Funny Laws

A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.

A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.

A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.

A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.

A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it.

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.

A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.
A real friend knows that it's not a friendship until after you've had a fight.

A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.
A real friend expects to always be there for you!

A ball is a circle, No beginning, no end.
It keeps us together, like our Circle of Friends.
But the treasure inside for you to see is the treasure of friendship you've granted to me.

*Ways To Know You're A Woman*

1.)You're A Bitch!

2.)When asked "Is something bothering you?" reply "no" then get pissed off when you are believed.

3.)Become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties, start dating him, and immediately expect him to stop his behavior...

4.)Always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.

5.)Always hide very important events in very unimportant terms so you can have something to be pissed about when your boyfriend declines because he was pressing business, i.e., You say "It's not big deal, but I was just wondering if you would like to visit my parents with me if you are not busy this weekend." When you mean "It means a great deal to me for you to see my family with me this weekend whether or not it is possible."

6.)Whine

7.)If you are trying to sleep, it's because you're exhausted from your almost superhuman level of daily achievement; if he is trying to sleep it's because he's lazy.

8.)No matter what the activity, he doesn't do it as well as a past boyfriend.

9.)If he pays attention to you, he is smothering you.

10.)If he gives you space, he is ignoring you.

11.)Complain

12.)Hate any bar he likes.

13.)Demand to be treated as an equal in everything--except when paying for meals, airplane tickets, concerts, beers, clothes, etc.-these are required gifts proving his love.

14.)Declare PMS at any given time. If he is knowledgeable about your cycle, tell him you're irregular from all the stree of your life(also, see number 7.)

15.)Remember that ANY woman who so much as stares at your boyfriend must be labled as a WHORE and your network of friends must be informed immediately to spread this as quick as possible.

16.)Make his life miserable by making him feel guilty about doing anything other then catering to your needs.

17.)Break into tears for no apparent reason, the use number 2.

18.)Ask for help in some endeavo then become livi when it is given.

19.)Instinute yourself into your boyfriend's group of friends, break up with him, then make sure you are present at every gathering for the next month just to rub it in.

*Top 10 Ways To Know You Have PMS*

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.

3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says, "How's my driving call 1-800-***-****."

6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

7. You're convinced there is a God and he's male.

8. You're counting down the days until menopause.

9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

*10 Things Girls Hate About Guys*

1)They always keep you waiting
2)They never call
3)They are always so cute, but you can't touch
4)They dress so badly
5)All the good ones are taken
6)They write the worst notes
7)All the nice guys are out dating each other
8)They all hate your budz
9)They are such pigs
10)They move WAY too fast

*10 Things Girls Hate About What Their Boyfriends Do*

1)When they mock you or make fun of you.
2)When they say things behind your back
3)When they make perverted comments about you and you aren't ready to go there yet.
4)When you find out they look at Playboys
5)When they stare at other girls butts
6)When they look down girls shirts
7)When they never call you, you always have to call them.
8)When the conversation is a one way road, we're the only ones talking!
9)When they try and act cool and hang out with our guy friends, not their own friends.
10)When they are afraid to say I love you, but can say perverted things about you.

20 Things A Perfect Guy Would Do*

1. Know how to make you smile when you are down.
2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.
3. Stick up for you, but still respect your independence.
4. Be so wrapped up in everything else, but still have time for you.
5. Fit his arms firmly around you.
6. Hint that he wants to kiss you.
7. His hands always find yours.
8. Be cute when he really wants something.
9. Never run out of new games to play.
10. Never run out of good jokes.
11. Never run out of love.
12. Be funny, but know when to be serious.
13. Realizes that he's being funny when he needs to be serious.
14. Be patient when you take forever to get ready.
15. React so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts.
16. Smile.
17. Kiss you.
18. Act like Mr. Big. (Not to the point where you are annoyed,just enough to make it cute.)
19. Apologize for acting like Mr. Big.
20. Hug you on a bad day and the clouds seem to lift.

50 Reasons Guys Are So Confusing

1. how they can get ready 2 go out in under 2 mintues- and still look so damn cute!
2. their amazing inaccuracy when it comes 2 hitting the toilet. (but when it comes to sports, they've incredible aim!)
3. why do they always think they can drive better than u (and every other female on the planet)?
4. why do they cross their arms and push up their muscles when they're having their pic taken. (like we dont notice?)
5. cops someone please explain how guys can watch that show.
6. cracking knuckles: is that just to show off- or does it feel good?
7. why are they incapable of gift wrapping?
8. why do guys love jumping into mosh pits? can u spell p-a-i-n?
9. why do they act like jerks when they wanna end a relationship so you're forced to break up with them?
10. they've probably never cried over a bad hairact. they dont even get upset about how it looks.
11. how come they dont ever gossip like us? (admit it, we thrive on a little news.)
12. why cant guys do script?
13. why do they love 2 play ait guitar?
14. why do they wear their baseball caps backward? (and how come they look so hot like that?)
15. they can eat fast food for 3 meals a day and never get sick of it- or just plain sick.
16. if they're wearing shorts and boxers and they're sitting with their legs spread, u can see everything. do they mean 2 flash us?
17. why dont they need 2 carry a purse? where's all their stuff?
18. why do cute guys always drive jeeps?
19. why dont they hug another guy 4 more than a second? and they have 2 punch each other after!
20. we've never name our own band barenaked ladies (okay, maybe we would).
21. why dont they use calnders or write themselves notes? like they have such great memories?
22. why do they wish beavis and butt-head was back on mtv?
23. how come they dont have 2 pee as often as girls do?
24. whats with the short, hard-to-interpret emails (like, do they like u- or what?)?
25. dont they get dry skin patches? they never seem 2 use face moisturizer.
26. why do guys always lean up against the wall in a row when they're hanging out together at school?
27. how can they like going 2 gym class- and not care about smelling badly afterward?
28. the gross web sites guys log on to- like doodie.com and fart.com.
29. why dont they care if their butts look big
30. that they dont get headaches listening 2 metallica and dmx.
31. how can they remember all those baseball signals, but forget things like your b-day?
32. dip and chewing tobacco. whats up with that?!
33. why are they fascinated by lesbians?
34. why dont they always have footballs in their cars?
35. why do they all love tigger from the winnie the pooh?
36. why cant they talk on the phone for more than 2 mintues at a time?
37. that they're not totally embarrassed to um, go 2 the bathroom in public places.
38. why do guys call any movie not starring adam sandler or bruce willis a chick flick?
39. why they drive with their arm across the front car seat when there's no one next to them. sleazy!
40. why do they agree 2 go shopping with u- but then complain about it the whole time?
41. why they say gross things like "drain the monster", "spank the monkey", and "pinch a loaf..."
42. ...but when we try 2 talk about our periods, they cant handle it. whats the big deal?
43. why they think its cool 2 drive trucks that are at least four feet off the ground.
44. the wwf. no girl would ever watch two half-naked guys roll around on top of each 2 see who's gonna win, hello, its fixed!
45. goatees. enough said on that subject.
46. they'll eat any food even if they dont know where it came from, how old it is, or even if its stolen from someone else's lunch.
47. they think that any socks go with any shoes.
48. they would never ever in a million years think 2 check their horoscopes...
49. ...but they always check the sports page for some random athlete's battling average.
50. Because